SOME ADVICE, SOME SPIRITUALITY, SOME ATTEMPTS AT HUMOUR....

                                                                                  

                 

 [PAINTINGS BY HUGH O' MARA]

 It has been an outstanding week here at Camp Buckman. Rhonda Moffatt

delivered an "address" at The Hall of the Great one, entitled "The Days

of the Week: why they are our friends." Rhonda insists that the entire

program was made up of echoes she has heard speaking to her from Yonder

Canyon, and we do not feel that it is our place to either confirm or

contradict this claim as we have heard some of our own disembodied

echoes at times, especially on a Saturday night walking home from

Sparky's. Anyway, Rhonda's point was that the days of the week,

especially to a person living alone, are sometimes all we have to lean

on, or look forward to, or define our lives by. Each day, apparently,

has a different personality, all it's own, that distinguishes it from

the others. I won't give the whole thing away, because at some point,

The Chronicle is planning to print the speech in it's entirety. I will

say that while interviewing Rhonda over a cup of her coffee [which, by

the way, is so weak you have to help it out of the cup] she did say that

while Sunday is her favorite day, that the echoes seem to feel, as most

of us do, that Monday sucks; and has no redeeming value whatsoever, and

should probably be eliminated except that that would ruin the especially

delicate relationship that one has with Tuesday. We here at The

Chronicle are delighted by these "addresses" by our own Campers and

would encourage any of you that would like to speak in the future, to

just pick a date, post it on the Message Board, and we'll be there to

listen, laugh, and applaud, if need be, anything you have to say

........Reported for the Chronicle by: J D Lister-Spirit World Correspondant

ECHOES AT YONDER CANYON CONFIRMED

Rupert Marley heard The Echoes.Rupert Marley heard The Echoes, and they

let him know he was still alive; unless they were angels, but he didn't

think so. Rupert had fallen and he couldn't get up, and there's probably

nothing worse than being out by Yonder Canyon, alone and afraid, and

laying in the rocks.But when Rupert heard The Echoes, he figured he'd be

okay.They were saying something about Tuesday. He couldn't quite make it

out so he cocked his ear, which is awfully difficult, and if not done

correctly, can really hurt alot. He heard, "Tuesday is alot like Monday,

except that we're stronger for having gone through Monday. It's like

when you were sixteen,Rupert,[they actually said his name!!] and you

went to the campgrounds where your fourteen year old girlfriend was

babysitting. The second night was rough, but boy, it was alot better

than that first night, wasn't it? That first night was all crying and

NO NO NO yes NO yes NO yes and then finally yes yes YES.....The second

night was more no no yes YES YES...You were both stronger for having

lived through that first night at the campgrounds, and that's what

Tuesday is like."So, as I said before, Rupert Marley heard The Echoes,

and he so wanted to tell The Chronicle, that he uncocked his ear,

gathered up his barbecubes, and crawled all the way to our office,which

was, of course,closed. I found him on the doorstep on Monday morning,

which, of couse, sucked. But Rupert was okay; he had just had what alot

of us have, now and again, a little too much Sparky's, which, of course,

was fine, as long as you didn't fall down. Some folks say there's no

such thing as too much Sparky's, and some folks say that there are no

Echoes at Yonder Canyon; but we know better on both counts, don't we,

boys and girls?

J D Lister-Spirit World Correspondant

ECHOES REPORTED TO BE REVEREND BUCKMAN!!!

In a deposition filed today at the courthouse, Ruta Marley has claimed

that she saw Reverend J Alfred Buckman walking away from Yonder Canyon

last Sunday night, the same night Ruta's husband, Rupert reportedly

heard The Echoes while laying semi-conscious near the canyon. It is

well known in the village that Buckman has been despondent of late,

and has been talking of stepping down, or stepping it up, or at least

taking some steps in any direction but the one he's been heading in.

Reverend Buckman has been disturbed that his sermonettes at The Hall of

The Great One have not been attended as well as the Hazy Davey shows at

Sparky's. Sparky's has Always outdrawn Buckman even without Hazy, so

we're not sure what this particular snit is really about. It could be

that many Campers have realized that the messages of Hazy Davey

have more to say to their particular lives and problems than do the

ravings of this longhaired middle aged crazy talking about barbecubes

and Miles Davis and piers and peer groups or whatever. Anyway, folks,

no charges have been filed because nobody around the courthouse really

cares too much about this sort of thing and no law has really been

broken; only that delicate thing called trust has been broken and that

may take a while to heal up this time. Buckman has lost our trust

before, God knows, but every time it happens it is still a shock because

we tend to love the old goat so much, and despite what he thinks, we

really look to him to be our Rock in times of trouble. Well, anyway,

boys and girls, at least The Echoes mystery has been solved for now.

It's kind of a shame, though that it's over; I've enjoyed it and hope

to continue to bring you more metaphysical news just as soon as it

happens again as I know that it will....

J D Lister-Spirit World Correspondant

You know, sometimes we're like three different people, at least if you're like me. Sometimes we're so discouraged and have endured misery for so long that we're not even aware of any other possible existence. Or sometimes we are so busy struggling to survive and keep our heads above water, we don't even have time to think about other possibilities. Or sometimes we're so busy consuming life in the present that we don't even think about the future or the bills that will come due, financial or otherwise........Something I've been able to do about it is move to Camp Buckman; here I can be what I am, an opinionated old Hippie with a lotta feelings and alot to say. But oh, those jobs we all used to have; the kind that bludgeon your body and close up your mind; the kind of jobs that strip your soul of all that is good, and leave a skeleton behind...useless to yourself or anyone else...And so, you drink, or sniff, or take pills or anything that will get you through another night, waiting for another day that will come all too soon, and you will have to go into That Place and have your pride and feelings and spirit stepped on and crushed once again.....But,the answer I think, must be Faith; faith in yourself and faith in whatever it is that you choose to believe in that can lift you up, make you soar, make you be you again, MAKE YOU WHOLE AGAIN.........Rev J Alfred Buckman --Spirit World Columnist

Do you remember, as a little child losing your mom at a big shopping center or a mall? Do you remember as a parent looking for your child all night long, not stopping to eat or sleep, because you were afraid that you would miss them? Well, this is how it feels now, to be lost in a world of sin and degradation, with no hope of salvage, no hope of ever finding the right way home, no hope, no hope……. Do you remember, that time at the beach, almost drowning, far from shore, no hope ,no hope, no hope…….. But, always remember, those of us who are still here; we were always found, we were always saved, we were always Hoped For…..The Lord had a plan for us that we didn't even know about, and probably still don't, but that doesn't make it any less of a plan. It doesn't matter what You believe, it matters what He believes, and you know what, campers? He is never gonna leave you, no matter what. So put that in that pipe and light it up.……Buckman Out……

The

 Reverend J Alfred Buckman has taken a short leave............

of his sanity. And so while he cannot deliver the touching little

sermonettes we here at Camp Buckman are so fond of, we thought

we'd bring you some of the Rev's favorite quotes from around the

world that he collects and uses occasionally in his talks with

himself and occasionally with others............

Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness......Call on God,

but row away from the rocks.........

The church is near,but the way is icy. The tavern

is far, but I will walk carefully........

When love is not madness,

it is not love............

Don't speak unless you can improve on

the silence............

Don't think there are no crocidiles because the water is calm.........

We must learn our limits. We are all

something, but none of us are everything.......

When one shuts one eye, one does not hear

everything...........

Fear less, hope more, Eat less, chew more,

Whineless, breathe more, Talk less, say more, Hate less, love more,

And all good things will be yours.............

It is good to know the truth,

but it is better to speak of PALM TREES....

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Greetings...... As the randomly chosen,divinely inspired and immaculately attired apostle that stands before you this wonderful day, I am elated to welcome you to Camp Buckman, and encourage you to enjoy the fruits that have been laid before you by the camp draughtsman, the blessed Hughster and his lovely assistant, Sweetie. For those of you expecting the normal hellfire and brimstone message so often delivered by my father,the Reverend Henry T Buckman, let me tell you that while I still believe that is the fate for most of you,I don't feel that this time or this lovely setting are the proper forum to remind you that your deeds in the sixties and seventies will surely result in eternal damnation and the burning fires of Lucifer. It is not my duty now to bring up the fact that living for one's own hedonistic desires or striving to follow any stray bushwhacker with a robe and a tent, will cause your eternity to be one of endless struggle to just catch a breath of cool,sweet,fresh air.No,No Nanette,that is not why I am here today.I have in my past,alternately believed in the Baby Jesus, Captain Morgan, Ron Bacardi, the small, delicately hairy portion of a woman's back, and Winnie-the-Pooh, but at this point in my life, I have been smitten with the Lord Jesus Christ, crucified, buried in a tomb, and risen again to deliver each and every one of us to that sacred beach where the Father will welcome us to our own Heavenly Mansion on a street paved with gold. Now, I tell you this by way of introduction to myself, so that in future sermons there will be no doubt where my heart lies or my crow flies. I think now that we should spend a little time indulging in the minor sin of gluttony at the Lunch Wagon followed up by enjoying whatever fine music Sarah has planned for us at the Hard Rock Cave, the Camp's answer to The Roxy, The Bottom Line and yes, even Denny's. Please feel free to wander the beautiful Wonder Gardens and to visit the magnificent Hall of the Great One before the marshmallow roasting and night badminton activities that have been planned for you. Just remember, please, until we meet again, to air is Jordan, but to forgive is divine. Thanks for stoppin by and please feel the spirit moving you as the collection plate is passed around. You know, I appreciate all the nickels, dimes, and quarters, but it's those fives, tens and twenties that will allow you to bask in the undying admiration of your neighbors, like a Mercedes in your driveway. Please feel free to call on me if there are any questions about our future meetings or if you just need a shoulder to lean on. My spirit is sometimes weak,but my back is strong and I am always available for consultation or heavy lifting, whichever you need. I remain, your humble servant, Rev J. Alfred Buckman, D.D.,A.A.,ASCAP,BMI...(4-17-98)

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Buckman felt that Hughsterville looked like a great

place to stop for awhile,for maybe,oh,a change of life

or maybe a pair of shoes for his blistered feet.You

see,Buckman had been running barefoot since about

Utah,and the change of life had been due for some

time now.In fact, it had been begging to be due, or

do be do be due, for as long as he could

remember.It's not that the future Reverend was

Bad,or Sinned a lot,it's just that everywhere he went

there were always people that Thought he was bad or

sinned a lot.Running had become a way of life and as

I said before,due be do be due…..But this barefoot

stuff[after he was run out of his shoes in Utah] was

getting tiring,and Buckman had heard of a place called

Shoesterville……Oh well,you can already see what

happened….That's right,gentle folk,a simple mistake

of hearing or a little phlegm in someone's throat is

what has caused us to have the pleasure of J Alfred

Buckman's company all these years.This rare shot of

Buckman was seen by one person and one person

only,the town draughtsman,Hughster;and he recorded

it for the Chronicle,even though no such record

existed then…..What you are seeing now is a time-

lapsed painting [because time has lapsed] of the scene

as it was then.Thank God for Hughster,or we'd all

have to continue to believe that Buckman was always

this fat old man that just rails at us from the pull pit

every Sunday or so.It was not always so,as you can

see from the suspenders that the young Buckman is

sporting,he was definitely someone to be reckoned

with.Somewhat of a rumour in his own time,and a

possible legend in his own room [if the lighting was

right],Buckman had run since at least the top of the

page,and was plain wore out.Shoesterville seemed as

good a place as any to put down his roots or find his

boots or do some toot[oh I am sorry,sometimes I

forget myself,and I know that there is a lynch mob

waiting for anyone that even mentions

THAT].Anyway,this seemed as good a place as any to

put it into low and just cruise awhile,and so he

did……And that's probably all the explanation you're

going to get…..for now…   Havinanisdaa Vishnuverhere-

staff writer-HUGHSTERVILLE CHRONICLES

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These bumper stickers have started to bother me. Not all of them, just the "Christian" ones. You know, " HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS" or " TO BE RELIGIOUS IS NATURAL, TO BE A CHRISTIAN IS SUPERNATURAL" or even " MY OTHER RELIGION IS A MERCEDES". Okay so I made the last one up, but you know what I mean. What does any of this have to do with being "abandoned to Christ" as we're instructed to do. Put a bumper sticker on your car to save a person from Hell? You should be SHOUTING IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS!!!!!! J Alfred Buckman- Spirit World Correspondent

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For those of you,who upon visiting our beautiful camp,desire to move here permanently,remember

that many are called,but few actually get to dance.The spiritual value of living here is great,but

so also is the price,in a metaphysical,bump -in-the-night kind of way.I can't really explain it in

words,but twice in my memory it has been expressed so well that I will leave it to Their words to

tell you.........First, our dear saviour,Jesus,in the Garden,when He prayed to the Father and

said,"O my Father,if this cup may not pass away from me,except I drink it,thy will be done." And

secondly,by our dear brother Pat Garrett,who within earshot of Mr Dylan,prayed,"Momma take this

badge away from me,I can't use it anymore....."And I hope that explains it,because as A A Milne

said,that's all the explanation you will get....J. Alfred Buckman,D.D.,A.A.,ASCAP,BMI.............                    Next Page